In fact now it is T-minus 9 days and counting...
The time for anxiety and reflection has reached new heights and the thought of the next phase of our lives and what it will hold is extremely daunting but exciting all at the same time. I am not afraid, just petrified, and am truly anxious about what the coming years will hold. As with many folks starting a family (or so I have been told) I continually ask myself - Can I truly be the great parent that everyone dreams they will be?
What does it take to be a great parent but also maintain your own personality and sanity?
The fear of loosing my identity as a cyclist comes to mind, but Stephen continues to assure me we will still live our active lives just with a munchkin in tow. I know my husband will be the best Dad in the world, no offense you all you other Dad's out there, but of course I know he will be the best one for our son. I on the other hand continue to question my personal selfishness and ability to sacrifice the unlimited time I have always had for myself and give it to someone else. Those that have been through this process seem to think that a change will occur and these things will simply adjust and I will be able to continue being active and be a good Mum...I am hoping this will be the case.
For those that have questioned my sanity in continuing to ride my bicycle while 36 weeks pregnant, that is my sanity and my happy place. I know our child will need a happy place, for me through this struggle with identity and diabetes, my bicycle has been this place. I am comfortable, reflective and it settles anxiety like no other drug on the planet. If I was a hiker I would have continued hiking, so as a cyclist I have continued cycling. As one of my wonderful friends Sari has said, "Pregnancy is not a disease...". I have embraced this advise and used my athletic ability and made adjustments to accommodate what being pregnant does to you. To take my happy place away would have been the biggest mistake I could have made in terms of a (hopefully) successful pregnancy. The tests and Dr visits all seem to show signs of a healthy baby boy who is about to make his way into this world, hopefully this will be the outcome, but the underlying stress is... you dont really know until he shows up.
My personal fears of my eyes incurring further retinopathy damage have been put somewhat to rest. My third trimester eye appointment was stable and I was given 'Good Luck' wishes as I departed the office that I have visited numerous times in the past 9 months. My A1c is holding steady in the upper 6's which is not perfect but a miracle based on the fact that I started this at 8 and the pressure was on to get it into the 6's in a big hurry. Insulin resistance from week 20 until around week 34 was a huge struggle and brought many tears to the table. Without my amazing partner and soulmate I would not have made it through these tough weeks. Stephen's continued faith and confidence in my ability to bring our child into the world made all the struggles melt away, even when I did not believe I could possibly do it.
As my belly expands beyond comprehension I continue to question the sanity of those that claim this is a joyous time of life. Rest and make the most of it...NOT. Rest is simply a myth, sleep happens only in your wildest dreams and being comfortable is simply thoughts of something that existed in the past.
I have had bi-weekly stress tests since week 32 measuring "Rocky's" heartrate to make sure he is active and doing his thing. All have been normal so things are looking good as long as they stay that way for another week or so. And yes I have been riding my bike to the office with the goal that when I then have to sit still "Rocky
" steps into action and does his thing and I can leave quickly. They are looking for regular heartbeat with 4-5 active sections to determine that he is moving around just like a baby should.I have visited the Perinatologist in Denver monthly for growth scans, ultrasounds and evaluations, the Barbara Davis Center for monthly evaluations of my diabetes, A1C checks and sanity checks and the eye Dr for eye checks once each trimester. Without the support of these wonderful medical practitioners I could not have undertaken this enormous task and cannot be more thankful for having this support system available to me. The miracles of modern medicine, Continuous Glucose monitors and incredibly caring people...what more can I say but Thank you.
Hit and Run reflections...
So we are now at 8 weeks from the time I was hit and run while peacefully commuting on my bike to work, Saturday morning July 3rd. I am still nursing a badly sprained ankle although thanks to Neil Master's and his amazing physical therapy skills it is almost normal.
We still await the news from Colorado Bureau of Investigation (CBI) who is apparently "investigating" to determine if they can match the car and its broken passenger mirror and various other parts to anything on my bicycle indicating that it was in fact that car that hit me. My bicycle has been in their possession since about July 7th, although the car has been returned to the owners. We continue to doubt the effectiveness of the CO State Patrol and question who is the victim in this case as it surely feels like I am not the victim but the one being vicitimised. They took my transportation away and have basically indicated that the investigation time is unlimited while continuing to avoid anything that might resemble polite informative communication.
I would like to thank Kalie Palmer for her great eyes in spotting the offending vehicle and calling the police. Many thanks to all the folks that have asked how I am doing and written letters to the editor in the Vail Daily supporting the reasons why people in our beautiful valley choose to ride their bicycles on the road vs bike paths in particular instances.
I hope to put this case to rest sometime in the future and put the offending driver out of the drivers seat, but things are not looking so hopeful with that currently. If anyone has an inside link to the CBI I would love to put some fireants under their butts to finish investigating, make a decision and let me get on with my life and have my bicycle back.Until the next installment, most likely with Baby in tow and a much reduced waistline I hope ... adios.
And Remember as I am reminded so many times every week, a phrase from one of my wonderful friends Linda
"Life is a journey, not a destination" - I hope to embrace the next part of this journey with courage, strength and love for our new family addition.
Enjoy the beautiful Autumn weather and stop by and see Stephen & I up on the Bluffs on your way out for a nightride on the Boneyard in the coming weeks.
