Pending Arrival....

T-minus 13 days and counting, although by the time I post this it will most likely be a lot closer than this....

In fact now it is T-minus 9 days and counting...

The time for anxiety and reflection has reached new heights and the thought of the next phase of our lives and what it will hold is extremely daunting but exciting all at the same time. I am not afraid, just petrified, and am truly anxious about what the coming years will hold. As with many folks starting a family (or so I have been told) I continually ask myself - Can I truly be the great parent that everyone dreams they will be?

What does it take to be a great parent but also maintain your own personality and sanity?

The fear of loosing my identity as a cyclist comes to mind, but Stephen continues to assure me we will still live our active lives just with a munchkin in tow. I know my husband will be the best Dad in the world, no offense you all you other Dad's out there, but of course I know he will be the best one for our son. I on the other hand continue to question my personal selfishness and ability to sacrifice the unlimited time I have always had for myself and give it to someone else. Those that have been through this process seem to think that a change will occur and these things will simply adjust and I will be able to continue being active and be a good Mum...I am hoping this will be the case.

For those that have questioned my sanity in continuing to ride my bicycle while 36 weeks pregnant, that is my sanity and my happy place. I know our child will need a happy place, for me through this struggle with identity and diabetes, my bicycle has been this place. I am comfortable, reflective and it settles anxiety like no other drug on the planet. If I was a hiker I would have continued hiking, so as a cyclist I have continued cycling. As one of my wonderful friends Sari has said, "Pregnancy is not a disease...". I have embraced this advise and used my athletic ability and made adjustments to accommodate what being pregnant does to you. To take my happy place away would have been the biggest mistake I could have made in terms of a (hopefully) successful pregnancy. The tests and Dr visits all seem to show signs of a healthy baby boy who is about to make his way into this world, hopefully this will be the outcome, but the underlying stress is... you dont really know until he shows up.


My personal fears of my eyes incurring further retinopathy damage have been put somewhat to rest. My third trimester eye appointment was stable and I was given 'Good Luck' wishes as I departed the office that I have visited numerous times in the past 9 months. My A1c is holding steady in the upper 6's which is not perfect but a miracle based on the fact that I started this at 8 and the pressure was on to get it into the 6's in a big hurry. Insulin resistance from week 20 until around week 34 was a huge struggle and brought many tears to the table. Without my amazing partner and soulmate I would not have made it through these tough weeks. Stephen's continued faith and confidence in my ability to bring our child into the world made all the struggles melt away, even when I did not believe I could possibly do it.

As my belly expands beyond comprehension I continue to question the sanity of those that claim this is a joyous time of life. Rest and make the most of it...NOT. Rest is simply a myth, sleep happens only in your wildest dreams and being comfortable is simply thoughts of something that existed in the past.

I have had bi-weekly stress tests since week 32 measuring "Rocky's" heartrate to make sure he is active and doing his thing. All have been normal so things are looking good as long as they stay that way for another week or so. And yes I have been riding my bike to the office with the goal that when I then have to sit still "Rocky" steps into action and does his thing and I can leave quickly. They are looking for regular heartbeat with 4-5 active sections to determine that he is moving around just like a baby should.

I have visited the Perinatologist in Denver monthly for growth scans, ultrasounds and evaluations, the Barbara Davis Center for monthly evaluations of my diabetes, A1C checks and sanity checks and the eye Dr for eye checks once each trimester. Without the support of these wonderful medical practitioners I could not have undertaken this enormous task and cannot be more thankful for having this support system available to me. The miracles of modern medicine, Continuous Glucose monitors and incredibly caring people...what more can I say but Thank you.

Hit and Run reflections...

So we are now at 8 weeks from the time I was hit and run while peacefully commuting on my bike to work, Saturday morning July 3rd. I am still nursing a badly sprained ankle although thanks to Neil Master's and his amazing physical therapy skills it is almost normal.

We still await the news from Colorado Bureau of Investigation (CBI) who is apparently "investigating" to determine if they can match the car and its broken passenger mirror and various other parts to anything on my bicycle indicating that it was in fact that car that hit me. My bicycle has been in their possession since about July 7th, although the car has been returned to the owners. We continue to doubt the effectiveness of the CO State Patrol and question who is the victim in this case as it surely feels like I am not the victim but the one being vicitimised. They took my transportation away and have basically indicated that the investigation time is unlimited while continuing to avoid anything that might resemble polite informative communication.

I would like to thank Kalie Palmer for her great eyes in spotting the offending vehicle and calling the police. Many thanks to all the folks that have asked how I am doing and written letters to the editor in the Vail Daily supporting the reasons why people in our beautiful valley choose to ride their bicycles on the road vs bike paths in particular instances.

I hope to put this case to rest sometime in the future and put the offending driver out of the drivers seat, but things are not looking so hopeful with that currently. If anyone has an inside link to the CBI I would love to put some fireants under their butts to finish investigating, make a decision and let me get on with my life and have my bicycle back.

Until the next installment, most likely with Baby in tow and a much reduced waistline I hope ... adios.

And Remember as I am reminded so many times every week, a phrase from one of my wonderful friends Linda

"Life is a journey, not a destination" - I hope to embrace the next part of this journey with courage, strength and love for our new family addition.

Enjoy the beautiful Autumn weather and stop by and see Stephen & I up on the Bluffs on your way out for a nightride on the Boneyard in the coming weeks.

Heffalump in the making...

Heffalump in the making...

So I have now reached the 6 1/2 month mark - time is flying by... NOT... as a competitive cyclist when you are not competing or training for anything, and seem to be simply getting fat, the days seem to be very long waiting for this little blessing to make his presence known.

He seems to be having a good time now though playing soccer in my belly and making me feel like a heffalump in the making - thus the title of my blog.

For those of you unfamiliar with the term Heffalump, as I found my workmates were not familiar, here is a little background.

In the fifth chapter of Winnie the Pooh, Pooh and Piglet attempt bravely to capture a heffalump in a trap. However, no heffalumps are ever caught in their trap, and indeed they never meet a heffalump in the course of the books. The sole actual appearance of heffalumps in the books come as Pooh tries to put himself to sleep: "He tried counting Heffalumps but every Heffalump that he counted was making straight for a pot of Pooh's honey ... and when the five hundred and eighty-seventh Heffalumps were licking their jaws, and saying to themselves, 'Very good honey this, I don't know when I've tasted better', Pooh could bear it no longer." We learn nothing more about the nature of the beasts in the writings.

Although this is never explicitly stated, it is generally thought that heffalumps are elephants from a child's viewpoint (the word "heffalump" being a child's attempt at pronouncing "elephant").

So hopefully the picture helps explain a little how I feel and am sure am going to feel even more like in the coming weeks. "Rocky" as we call him, because he is about the size of a small rockmelon, is about 9+ inches long and apparently will approach 17 inches in the next 3-4 weeks. Yikes - I can hardly breath now and eating anything more than a few slices of bread at a time makes me feel like my belly is going to explode, it is unfathomable understanding what this is going to be like when he is double the size in a few weeks.

So Diabetes wise what has been going on?

MyA1C at last visit was 6.3, yipee!! the best it has been since I was a teenager, although some days it surely does not feel like it could possibly be that good. At about 20 weeks "Rocky" started inflicting the apparent insulin resistance factor in a big way. Any insulin I put in seemed like it was going into an abyss. Doses have dramatically increased despite the fact that I am eating far less carbs than I have in a long time. The Doctors assure me this is normal and good to know I am like everyone else with diabetes that gets pregnant. Not great for the mental fortitude you need when battling blood sugars has always been tough, now it just got a little harder. Exercise has still continued to be my saving grace, although nowdays it seems to be difficult just to ride on the flats, climbing passes or hills is pretty much out of the repertoire. I long for the days when I can return to the summers of riding Benchmark (my favourite climb for wildflower viewing) or Resolution Road (for the ultimate punishment) as it will not be this summer.

"Rocky's" growth is right on target according to the Ultrasounds I have been having once a month. Hope is he will stay on target along with blood sugars as this hopefully will prevent him from growing too big too fast.

The many lows I had during the first trimester have definitely petered off and I have become much better at managing them when they do come, in the past a blood sugar of 34 would have seen me passed out, now I am still somewhat alert but definitely not right and have already treated it if it gets to this point. My Powerbar sponsorship has continued to be an enormous blessing helping me with fuelling while I am exercising and for those anytime lows, my ever failful Powerbar Performance Chocolate Peanut Butter flavour is always the saving grace or a couple of rasberry gel blasts definitely gets me back on track.

We have discussed options with the Doctors and it is sounding like unless "Rocky" decides to come early on his own, they will do an amnio at around 36-37 weeks and if he shows good lung development they are then most likely to induce early to help prevent placenta complications or issues that sometime arise for people with diabetes late in the pregnancy such as pre-ecalmpsia.

My strong desire is of course to have a normal delivery with no C-section but only time & "Rocky" will decide this.

In the meantime Stephen is trying to cram as many races in as possible and we hope to continue our active lives despite major changes on the way. Adios until the next update.

4 Months and Baby's got Outdoor plumbing...

We have now passed the 4 month mark, had the amnio and now have to sit and wait 10 days for the results. The Doctor was very positive about everything and almost talked us out of the amnio but if you want to know that there is nothing chromosomally wrong, the amnio is the way. The alternative is to wait 10 month and hope for the best.

Our Baby now has a spine, 4 heart chambers, 5 fingers and toes on each hand and foot, 2 kidneys, a stomach and the right connections to the bladder so things are looking good. Hopefully the test results will show the same. Oh, we noticed that baby is well equiped with outdoor plumbing so that narrows our name selection down.



I called my family and let them know and this was the first response I received:
It is the first round of negotiations between Moses and God, and before long Moses can't stand it. He bursts out,'Am I hearing you right, God? The Arabs get all the oil and we get to cut the ends off our what?' quoted from Peter Fitzsimons' book.
Hopefully the new White will have the same sense of humor as his Grandpa.



My A1C was 6.7. That is as low as it has been since my teenage years so things are looking a lot better for the peanut growing inside. Now I just have to maintain and try to get the A1C down a little lower. The hypo events have decreased. I have one about every 2 weeks, but still pretty scary. I have not only inflicted them upon my husband but my friend Karen who went for a mountain bike ride with me last week. About 45 minutes into the ride, I continually tried to inform her that I was perfectly fine, even though I could not stay straight on my bike. Finally I realised I did not really know where I was and she thoughtfully guided me down the road back to our new home. Thank goodness for riding with a buddy...and not forgetting to tell them to force feed you if you start acting strange.

After the amnio the recommendation is for 72 hours of non strenuous activity. Otherwise, the risks of miscarriage are very high. I was at the end of my patience rope but I still adhered to the recommendation. I managed to unpack the house and drive my husband crazy with depression, jealousy and many tears, hopefully this can cease and I can resume normal activity. I am getting slow but I definitely still need the exercise adrenalin high I get every day. I know I will reach a point when riding might not be comfortable so I am definitely milking every day I get right now until that time comes.

We have now moved into our new house - Or should I say the garage of our new house. I successfully unpacked lots of things to then find that my husband thought they should live in a different places. In all circumstances he was right and things have been moved a second time, I guess the baby has already stunted my brain cell activity who knows what it will be like in another few months.



We have successfully managed to make some of the biggest life changes you can make all in a few short months - New house, baby on the way, buying a new washer and dryer, about to purchase a lawnmower and a new king sized bed that I will need a forklift to get up into in a few short months, all we need is to add a new job into the mix (not planning on it) and it would be the ultimate change recipe. Any of you thinking you havevtaken on a lot of life challenges lately we probably have you beat. I think we might be better described as "Late Bloomers".



That is about it for now except that I cannot even begin to describe what an amazing Husband I have! I would not have made it this far without him, nor will I make it to the end without his incredible support, calming nature and unquestionable commitment to our life together. Thanks Honey and adios until the next post...

Ultra athleticism on sabbatical...

Ultra-athlete, Diabetic, Pregnant, and 39...feeling like the odds are stacked right now

So I thought I might share some insight on what my past 13 weeks has been like now that the cat is kind of out of the bag. It has been a roller coaster ride like no other I have ever experienced. Moments of sheer elation that we might be able to have a kid, but more extended periods of extreme stress and anxiety living with the notion that if I screw up this tiny little peanut growing inside me will pay the price - nothing like having the weight of the world on your shoulders...

I have said for the past 5-6 years I wanted to have a child but needed to get my A1C down so I would not have a repeat of any eye damage like I suffered in 2003-2004, and of course so I could have a healthy baby. If I got my eyes in a stable state and my A1C in the target zone of 6.5 then it would be somewhat less risky. Needless to say I never reached the ideal 6.5 and although I kept trying things did not seem to be working in my favour, at least not at the pace they should have been. I was working at my own pace while fitting in the Ultra-Endurance lifestyle, managing things to suit my exercise schedule and not much else. Then the news came, we were both in denial for several days but this was real, now getting my A1C down was not going to be on my own time, it had to be NOW! and in a big hurry.

I changed my mind on whether I should go through with this every 10 minutes for about 2 weeks, until I had visited the Barbara Davis Center and got some more educated information on whether this would be a good or bad choice. As always my Doctors and the nurses at BDC were incredibly supportive and encouraging and more or less said if you want this we can make it happen, now is as good as any time, you are 39...
In fact I am at a point in life where the possible implications of having a baby at an advanced age are about equal with the the implications of having a baby when you are a diabetic. So of course we decided to put them both together and make life super challenging - mature age and almost 30 years with Diabetes what more could I ask for!

For starters I had to immediately stop taking Symlin the 'blessing' drug that has helped me manage post meal blood sugar spikes. Blood sugars now are back to spiking immediately after meals as the insulin does not seem to work for about 1-2 hours after I have injected, especially in the mornings.

Second I gave up Caffeine - after a week of trecherous headaches and feeling pretty crappy I am not just in a permanent "Grumpy" state as Stephen puts it. I pretty much have lived the past 10-15 years fueled by caffeine so this is a big change for me and one that I dont regret but the transition has been rough to say the least.
And third but not least important Diet soda - I have not given it up but I have cut back and definitely have not been consuming any of my favourite Diet Mountain Dew when energy is going south. So it has been a big adjustment, probably for the better but probably one I will not stick with once this is all done.

Everyone says the sacrifices are worth it so I am banking on that being the case.

So am I excited... well deep down yes but on the surface there is so much stress and anxiety that it is hard for me to express excitement at this early stage. There are so many risks you ask yourself many times a day - is this the right thing? should we
go through with it? And after 5 hypos requiring assistance from Stephen in the past 6weeks each time the questions re-arise. We hope all will go well and maybe things will get easier as I learn the ropes but I am not counting on it as I know this process is not easy for the non-diabetic. I hope I can be smart, and tough - we know for sure the kid is going to be tough since it has already made it this far.

WEEK 7
At 7 weeks we had an ultrasound - I cannot say much else except that it was like a lima bean with this fast pounding heartbeat. It made us melt to think there is something that little inside with a beating heart already. I was poked and proded and had copious amounts of blood drawn for all the tests that can be done at that early stage to get some baseline results. Lucky me, they also found I had low thyroid T4 levels and an enlarged thyroid so off for an ultrasound of my Thyroid gland and they started me on some thyroid medication - indicating it might just be for while I am pregnant but the likelyhood of diabetics also suffering from thyroid disorders could mean it might be medication I will be taking for life. Either way life just got a little more complicated, one more tablet to add to the injection regimen.

So what have I been doing - testing my blood sugar obcessively; exercising as much as my body can handle - and some (the and some days unfortunately have caused 4 night time hypos usually the night after I have overdone it); using the Navigator CGM as much as possible to see what my patterns are and trying to manage everything to get my A1C down.

The basic synopsis of my blood sugar patterns is, I have insulin resistance, especially in the morning. Exercise is the only thing that seems to make the insulin work (but even in the morning insulin does not work). I have to overbolus with shortacting insulin at meals to keep my bloodsugars in the normal zone, to then exercise and hit rock bottom each time I go out. Bloodsugars rise when I ride my trainer in the mornings because this preganacy - dawn phenomenon thing that seems to last from about 6am - 10:30am. Then things seem to start working a little better, I can run before lunch and get my blood sugar nice and low, then nordic ski or do some activity after work and watch it plummet so low that on occasion I have reached the low point so quickly that I dont know where I am (i.e. my ski up Vail mountain one evening, which was my usual Tuesday night expedition). Fortunately on that particular night Stephen decided he would also skate ski up, I was classic skiing and had left before him. He found me at the dragon's breath mine, disoriented, freezing cold and no idea where I was. Needless to say I have now been banned from going out at night alone anywhere except the nordic center. Blood sugars are down but safety risks for me when exercising have been extremely elevated.

WEEK 10
At 10 weeks we visited the Perinatologist, the Retinal specialist for a check of my eyes and another visit to the Barbara Davis Center.

Perniatologist was an awesome guy, gave us tonnes of extremely valuable information, but laid down the negatives in one nice neat pile - I would compare the pile to that of an elephant.

Phew... and people still want to proceed after hearing all that...

Well yes when you see that little thing squirming in my uterus, its arms and legs now waving around, all the negatives get put aside. Oh and by the way it still had a heartbeat. That was a relief after a few days of my boobs not hurting, when they had hurt non stop for about 9 weeks, I freaked out that something had gone wrong. Not to mention the 12 hour AT race I did with Wendy on the weekend, I did not push hard but it was a long effort with a peanut growing inside, I had to be worried. Yes I am now banned from any further racing too...

A1C went from 8.0 to 7.3 in 4 weeks the biggest drop I have had since visiting the Barbara Davis Center for the past 12 years, so that was good news, but still a long way to go. The literature says ideally you want your A1C to be between 5.0-6.0 during pregancy YIKES! I am not even close and dont know if I will ever get close to that but the tried and true TeamType1 challenge of "Strive for 6.5" definitely seems like it might be possible now. That is my goal. If I can get to 6.5 then I will re-evaluate the target.

My eyes are stable, fingers crossed I can keep it that way and have to have checks each trimester to re-evaluate things. This was yet another check mark in the book of positives and whether to proceed so things are looking up. Now if only the Gods could make my blood sugars right things might be almost good...but that would be too easy.

INSULIN RESISTANCE
So what does it mean to be insulin resistant. Here is a good example for you. One morning since blood sugars simply did not seem to be coming down when I had insulin and breakfast I decided to try and see how long it would take for it to come down with my breakfast bolus but no breakfast.

Hmmm.. well I had the insulin expecting in about 30 minutes to see it start dropping so I could then eat. It was also an experiment to see how long should I really wait after injecting before eating. Well 2+ hours passed blood sugar only dropped from 170 to 140. So I guess my breakfast bolus is not really for breakfast it is just an extra bolus I need to cover something other than food. Disconcerting yes, what can I do about it - NOTHING (except of course treat with the appropriate amount of insulin). Results and Conclusion - double the breakfast dose as something is wreaking havoc on my body and it is not breakfast.

Week 12

So I have just passed the week 12 mark waiting for the first trimester screening to make sure nothing is abnormal. Once I have this screening we can then determine if I should go for the somewhat risky CVS test to guarantee that the child may or may not have Downs Syndrome or a variety of other issues, or if the screening comes back with fairly normal results then I will wait and have an amniosyntesis at 15 weeks. Oh the joys of waiting for good or bad news, it is enough to cause a heart attack at this point, or at the least days of self induced depression wondering what the outcome will be.

Like clockwork - as the folks at the BDC had predicted blood sugars tend to go low from around weeks 10-13 - I have had perfect control for almost a week now, starting to wonder if I am dreaming until last night when I had my 5th hypo since beginning this journey. Thank goodness for my husband and his amazing ability to stay calm conditions of utmost adversity. I woke in a semi-comatosed state as he tried to make me eat a gu, which has definitely not ever been a voluntary food choice for me. Even with what feels like less than half my brain working I still know that I hate gu and it is like pulling teeth for him to get me to swallow the stuff. Apparently diguised on toast still does not work :)

Things seem to be getting risker by the day, Stephen seems to run through states of not knowing if he really wants me to go through with this. Having to watch me in these most unglamorous states I am sure is super worriesome and not to be taken lightly however, at this time I am committed provided the tests come through ok. The hypos need to stop, however they are inevitable when trying to get your A1C down in a hurry these are bumps in the road that I hope will soon pass.

I have tried my hardest not to back off and stay as active as always. Some days it is easy, other days I feel like a beached whale plugging along thinking - maybe it would be easier to become a couch potatoe, but that is not in my nature. I am committed to ride my bike as long as possible and still be an athlete at least until my belly is too big to balance on the bike, then I guess I will resort to swimming and walking. Oh I am already yearning for the summer days of long rides that I know I am going to miss but it is just a short snippet in my life so I am going to learn to cope... even if it does make me grumpy.

Week 13

Well I am screened and waiting for blood test results but the neck skin measurement was positive so fingers crossed all will be good. At his time the Doctor encouraged me to just wait for an amnio at 15weeks, he seemed confident that thing were looking good so I will go with that.



So until the next post hopefully I have given everyone lots of gossip and good humor.

Rando Renegade Rally Classic

The fourth running of the Triple R Classic course will be this Tuesday, March 9 at 5 p.m. Start: Bottom of Vista Bahn A Course: Skiers choice ascend to bottom of Chair 4, Chair 4 Liftline to in run of Whoopee Jump, Boot pack to top of Chair 4 cliffs, ascend to PHQ Vail Mt. summit, Descend Forever to bottom of Chair 5, touch maze,
ascend Forever to PHQ, Descend Swingsville ridge to Prima Cornice top gate, follow markings skiers right to narrow bony chute, descend remainder of Prima Cornice to Chair 11. Descend North Face Catwalk and Lower Riva to Vista Bahn
B Course: Same ascent to PHQ, descend Riva

Required gear: Helmet (Bike OK), powerful headlamp w/sufficient batteries, SAFETY STRAPS or ski brakes!, Attachment system or pack for the boot pack, cell phone Smart things to bring: Extra clothes, energy drink, extra headlamp, goggles
Post race get together at Vendetta's

Rando Renegade Rally Tues. Night Crit

It is happening again. The first of five planned RRR events is Tues. Jan. 26 at 5:30 p.m. The first event is perfect for the low snow conditions that prevail so far this year. Format will be a one hour, as many laps as you can do crit format. The start will be at the bottom of the Vista Bahn at Vail Mt.. The skin track will Z up through the woods climbers right of Pepi's face, crossing two catwalks to gain the catwalk that comes over from Bear Tree. Rip and descend International to base. Last face is icy but no rocks. Repeat. Last year, fast people did six laps. Start a lap before one hour you get to finish it. Required equipment:Helmet, straps or brakes for skis, bright headlamp, event must be done on one pair of skis, extra skins OK. This RRR is good for skiers of all levels and Summit County folks. No knowledge of local terrain required, no one left up high in the dark.