The next phase began with an anticipated amniocentisis to determine if baby's lungs were adequately developed for them to begin induction. This was not to be as I did not have enough amniotic fluid, they did not want to take some of the little I had and determined induction would begin that evening no matter what. The Doctor also commented that I had an "Ugly Placenta", not the vote of confidence I was hoping for after 9+ months of torture. Induction began Monday evening around 11pm with my first dose of oxytosin the cervix softening drug they use when you are not dilated but they want to induce. This drug is delivered once every 4 hours, the cervix begins to soften with hope that labor will commence and progress. After 16 hours of labor, 4 doses of oxytosin, contractions increasing in pain and magnitude and only 3 cm of dilation things were not going great. I was pretty crushed, I could not handle the pain any longer and succumbed to an epidural. Stephen breathed a sigh of relief as I was finally able to make conversation with him and communicate, which had been difficult in hours 12-16 as the pain increased and my ability to tolerate decreased. I had assured him that I did not want to be asked if I needed drugs and I would tell him if I did. I finally admitted defeat and did what was needed.
The anaesthesiologist was a magician as he inserted the needle into my spinal column in between contractions that were about 2-4 minutes apart and extremely painful. Being told to sit up straight and stay as still as possible while your pelvis feels like it is going to expode and you are about to puke for several continuous minutes is definitely not the easiest thing to achieve. But we did it and I was made somewhat comfortable.
Unfortunately dilation did not progress, in fact Calen seemed to be sneaking his way back up instead of down and his heart rate was showing signs of distress after each contraction, it was dropping as normal but not recovering fast enough. They brought in the on call Doctor and she spoke with us indicating that things were not looking super hopeful that I would deliver vaginally, but we wanted to try a little longer. She happily left to wait and see. Immediately after this I had further contractions and heartrate non-recovery from Calen that incurred too much stress for me. I decided a C-section would be best, as recommended by the Dr, as I could not cope with the stress of knowing if I kept waiting I might end up in an emergency C-section and Calen was already not doing super well heart rate wise. Induction had begun around 11pm 9/13/2010, I was prepped and wheeled in to the operating theatre at around 10pm on 9/14/2010. Calen arrived less than 45 minutes later after several elephant like pushes on my chest and a set of nimble hands yanking him from his comfortable shelter that had been home for the past 9 & 1/2 months. He came out kicking and screaming with good apgar scores and into his anxious Dad's arms. I got a brief look before he was wisked away for tests and care while they sewed up my pelvis. I dont remember a whole lot except that Dr Kahn told me I had nice abs as she was sewing things up and I was dreading the 6 weeks of minimal activity they told me was in the cards to recover from a C-section. This was a brutal shot to my heart as I had anticipated riding my bike and resuming normal activity within a couple of weeks after my dream labor with no drugs and a natural delivery (apart from the initial induction drug they would have to give me), "NOT", but it is what it is and I accepted that it was all worth it for a healthy baby.
Calen having his hearing test
Calen showing off Mum's great sponsor Powerbar
Acceptance is a state of mind...
and something I am learning to cope with as "The New Normal" life moves along. What is "The New Normal"? Well let me begin by revealing the secrets that all women who have had a baby or babies seem to think should be maintained as secrets until you Deliver.
1. In 6 weeks you can resume normal activity - False. I would say more like 6 months and for some this could actually be never. Thinking I went into the delivery process pretty fit for a pregnant lady the recovery has been long, slow and pretty depressing at times.
2. You will be tougher and faster "NOT", it sure does not seem like it and some days I feel like toughness departed with the placenta they disposed of and told me was ugly.
3. Breastfeeding is a joyous and bonding experience - hmm... I would have to say it has been ardous, difficult and for me one of the hardest things I have ever had to endure, but worth it for the health of our youngster. For those of you that love it and find it a bonding experience I envy you as the joy for me has been an empty basket.
We had great help and company with visits from both My parents from Australia and Stephen's Mum and step Dad from Michigan. We had lots of help and babysitting and were able to sneak in a few late fall mountain bike rides together. Something that comes too little too often still at this point in time.
Calen with the GrandDad's
After the first few months of sleep deprivation and stress with Calen not gaining weight despite valiant attempts at breasfeeding, followed by pumping and feeding him whatever was left we had to introduce formula to suppliment my breastmilk. In a 2 week period while we went nordic skiing in West Yellowstone over Thanksgiving he finally gained a pound. Things were looking up. My reticence to feed Calen formula came from reading that Children of type 1 parents are more likely to acquire Type 1 diabetes when fed with formula so I wanted to avoid this for as long as possible. This however was simply not possible and as time has passed I have accepted and fed him whatever was needed to help him grow and reach more than the 1 percentile mark for his age. We are now well beyond that and he is happy, healthy and almost 16 pounds. I have a love-hate bond with my breastpump, an experience I am so thankful I will not be repeating. It is and will be for a few more months my sidekick.
Calen's first Christmas
Sporting our handmade Frog hat
Calen has had many adventures in his first 7 months, a trip to West Yellowstone to nordic ski and be pulled in the Ski Chariot. This involved some sub-zero temperatures so a few days indoors and some time in the Ski Bivy. A few skiining trips up to the gondola, swimming in the pool at Stephen's work and most recently in an outdoor pool in Tuscon AZ. Many trips in the jogger around Eagle, Eagle-Vail and Fruita. And soon to be attempted a trip behind the bicycle in the Cycling Chariot. He thoroughly enjoys it and gets lots of good nap time.
Calen in the Chariot Baby Bivy
Out for a Ski Adventure
Calen's first trip on the Gondola.
Calen testing the Jogger without the sling, he is now big enough to sit up in it.
Calen enjoying the pool
Solids...
Now we have moved on to some solid food, just practicing right now. Calen has taken a great liking to feeding himself and making loud grunting noises as the spoon approaches his face, sometimes reaching the mouth but more often than not reaching other parts of his face. It is a most entertaining time for us, a lot of cleanup but worth it.
Calen the Green Bean Goblin
Play time is the best too, as long as it involves some jumping, things to grab and noises. Jumping is Calen's most favourite thing to do. Here is a link to our latest toy which provides hours of entertainment and jumping.
Calen enjoying his saucer
We enjoyed a brief trip to Tuscon AZ at the beginning of April to enjoy some warm weather and sunshine. I got to join TeamType 1 elite guys for some great riding. We Enjoyed a climb up the infamous Mt Lemmon and several other super nice routes. Stephen was the babysitter and enjoyed a few rides too, including a climb up Mt Lemmon with the setting sun. We had some pool time with Calen and super nice warm days.
I am so grateful for the great support I have received from Team Type 1 www.teamtype1.com as I continue the Diabetes Journey and hopefully a return to athleticism.
Thanks also to Powerbar www.powerbar.com for their continued support in helping me stay fueled as a Mum and returning athlete.
I am so thankful for Calen's wonderful Dad and all the things he has given up to help me be able to get some fitness back. Hopefully I can return to some mountain bike racing this summer, only time will tell.
I return to the phrase from my friend Linda Guerrette all the time as this journey continues.
Life is a Journey, not a destination...
The journey has good days and bad ones.
Sometimes the journey is overwhelming,
sometimes it brings us joy and laughter.
It is definitely a journey I feel very unprepared for most of the time.
Some days I wish time would move so much faster and other days I wish time could stand still for a little longer.
Until the next installment, happy spring :)
